What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session

Walking into couples therapy can feel tender. You’re hoping for relief, most likely anxious about what will be asked, and wondering whether this will actually help. The first session is designed to be calm and transparent. We slow the pace, make space for both voices, and begin to understand the pattern that keeps pulling you apart, so conversations can feel safer again.

Before we begin

You’ll complete a brief intake so I have the basics and any safety concerns on my radar. I’ll outline confidentiality and limits in plain language. If we’re online, we’ll make sure audio, video, and privacy are set; if in person, you’ll know where to sit and how we’ll handle the practicalities so the room feels steady from the start.

How the session flows

We usually start with a short check-in about what brings you here now and your therapy goals. Each partner gets uninterrupted time to share what hurts, what you miss, and what you hope will be different. I listen for the pattern underneath—how one pursues and the other withdraws, or how criticism and defensiveness trade places—so we can name the cycle without blaming either of you. I’ll reflect what I’m seeing in simple words and check that it lands for both of you.

Less debate about who is right, more contact with what’s really at stake—belonging, mattering, being able to reach and be met. We shape a few small moments of connection in the room so you can feel what “different” is like, not just talk about it.

What you will and won’t be asked to do

You won’t be put on trial, asked to choose sides, or pushed into decisions you’re not ready for. You will be invited to share your experience in a way that is honest and kind, If there’s a hot topic—money, intimacy, in-laws, phones—we’ll hold it with care, and we’ll return to it only when the ground is steady enough.

What you can expect to feel

Most couples feel a mix of relief and fatigue. Relief because the pattern finally has a name and neither partner is the villain. Fatigue because naming pain takes energy. You may leave feeling softer toward each other, even if nothing is “fixed” yet. That softening matters; it is the doorway to change.

What happens after session one

You’ll leave with a shared understanding of the cycle, a simple plan for pausing sooner, and one or two dependable ways to reconnect when things get heated. Think of it as a starter kit for repair, not a stack of homework. In future sessions we deepen the work: more safety, clearer needs, better repairs, and changes that hold outside the room.

Practical details

Sessions are usually sixty to seventy-five minutes. We agree on a cadence that suits your life—weekly to begin, then easing as things stabilise. Fees, cancellations, and communication boundaries are laid out cleanly so there are no surprises. If there are individual histories that need attention, we’ll plan how to hold them within the couple frame or alongside individual support.

A gentle word on safety

If there is any violence, coercive control, active addiction without stabilisation, acute risk, or an ongoing undisclosed affair, couples work is not the next step. Safety and stabilisation come first, and we’ll map that pathway together.

The essence

The first session is not about proving who’s right. It’s about making sense of the dance you keep getting stuck in and building enough safety to try new steps. When the cycle is the problem—not each other—you can start to reach, respond, and reconnect in ways that last.

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